A Conflict: Reality versus Romantic Ideals.

The songs written about love that lasts forever, about lovers being wrenched apart, but vowing to remain true to each other, about a heart being devoted to one person for all of eternity, are the epitome of romantic. They are beautiful and terrible all at the same time. They speak of heartache and rescue in the same breath. These songs speak volumes to the apparent magnitude of humanity's capabilities to love and be loved. They are songs of faith -- a faith that all things will be restored to their proper order as long as love is true and prevails. I'd like to think that these songs speak the truth, that if I just continue to love, that everything will be restored to its proper order, and I will be rescued by my true love and we can love each other forever. Yet, with my somewhat jaded perceptions of the world, skewed as they may be, I just can't seem to wrap my head around the idea that love will prevail and I will be able to ride off into the sunset with my knight in shining armor. Isn't it human nature to doubt? And aren't we all inherently selfish creatures? And what if love becomes synonymous with hurt? When it hurts to love, is love even worth the effort? And how far will blind faith get me? But, non-God, I want all of it! I want the songs to be true. I want to love and be loved and to be rescued and to be held forever.

At this point, I am forced to battle myself. My understanding of reality is at odds with my want of these romantic ideals to win out. I cannot have my reality and these romantic ideas together because they conflict with each other. The reality that I've grown to accept is that humans are fickle, that they are emotional and easily confused. Most times, humans are conflicted, torn between an idea, an ideal, an emotion, a word, a phrase, an action. And love exists in so many forms, though it isn't a tangible thing. Moreover, in my understanding of reality, humans are capable of loving more than one person in more than one way. They are even capable of being in love with more than one person at any given time. And when that happens, a heart cannot be given fully to any one person, though pieces of that heart are devoted to each party involved. Yet, this reality conflicts with the romantic notions presented in these songs. And it is this conflict, which makes it so hard for me to buy into the idea that these songs have any validity at all. All of this just makes me want to scream:

Does love, as the songs describe, truly exist? And if it does, when is it my turn to find it? And will it hurt? And can it really last forever, when nothing else seems to? Or if such a thing doesn't exist, why does the entertainment industry perpetuate the idea that it does? Why give people false hope? Why? And when? When is it my turn to find all of this?

But wait, look at me! Again, true to my selfish nature, this has become all about me. But what if it isn't meant to be about me? What if I've got it all wrong? What if it isn't about being loved, as much as it's about loving another unconditionally? I am so confused.

The truth is that I do love, and I am in love with someone, and I am confused and horribly conflicted. And now I find myself further at odds with my perception of reality, and my irrational want of a non-existent idea. If only ideas weren't so appealing! If only reality wasn't so convincing! But really, was this ever about my head at all? I rather think it is more likely entirely a matter of my heart. All I know for sure is that I love, I am in love, and I am loved in return. Shouldn't all of that be enough?

Run by Snow Patrol
I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done.

And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it anywhere
Away from here.

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice.
Even if you cannot hear my voice,
I'll be right beside you, dear.

Louder, louder
And we'll run for our lives.
I can hardly speak, I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say.

To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye,
I nearly do.

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice.
Even if you cannot hear my voice,
I'll be right beside you, dear.

Louder, louder
And we'll run for our lives.
I can hardly speak, I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say.

Slower, slower
We don't have time for that.
All I want is to find an easier way
To get out of our little heads.

Have my heart, dear.
We're bound to be afraid,
Even if it's just for a few days,
Making up for all this mess.

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice.
Even if you cannot hear my voice,
I'll be right beside you, dear.