Thursday, August 26, 2010

Is this culture shock?

I guess I never stopped to think about how moving 2150 miles from the place I've called home for much of my life would affect me. I've done so much traveling around the US that I've become accustomed to the instability, or so I thought. What I didn't realize is that this is an entirely new type of instability. In the past, whenever I traveled to a new place, I always knew that I would be returning home, that this new place was not going to be my new home. Being in a new place becomes a much easier experience when you know that you are just a part of the transient population and that this isn't a long term situation. And there is something about the simple enjoyability of being a member of a transient population that I've always loved.

When I moved to Louisiana, I thought that I would find the same enjoyability in moving that I do in traveling, and for a time I did. However, it's now occurring to me that I am not a member of the transient population here, that this is my new home, and I've lost the comfort I take in knowing that I can always go home. I think that I am finally being affected by culture shock. And homesickness is really setting in.

In effect, I've had to recreate myself and begin building a life for myself from almost nothing. I've left my large network of friends and acquaintances behind and I often find myself working much harder to make friends than I would have in Pennsylvania. I mean, making friends and being social has always been a natural and easy thing for me, but in Louisiana that's not the case. There are a different set of rules and requirements to make friends here. And signals that meant one thing for me in Pennsylvania have an entirely new meaning in Louisiana. Navigating social activities has become something of a chore and it's completely exhausting to present myself as a potential friend to someone when at this very moment, I'm not even sure that I know who I am or what I want. That's not to say that I'm giving up, because I'm not. I'm just frustrated and tired and occasionally, I'm lonely.

I miss my old life in Pennsylvania. It wasn't always an easy life, but it was comfortable. I had a routine and I almost always knew what I could expect. Here, I am unsure of almost everything. I feel like a piece of driftwood being tossed around in the sea. I'm sure that after a certain amount of time I will adjust to life here and be comfortable again, but for now, I just pine for my memories of ease and comfort.